So I’m at work on a Saturday afternoon coz the exams have started, which pretty much means “more work” on top of whatever is already happening. The Uni is in a frenzy at the moment with the new system in place. They’ve replaced the old admin software with a new integrated student database thingy which is kinda complicated to use. We’ve been to trainings after trainings and yet, when I log into the system, I’m still pretty much stumped.

I had initially planned to take leave on some of the days during the past week to clear my leave balance. Apparently, I’m allowed to bring forward only 7 days of this year’s leave to next year which got me anxious since I have about 13 days and no time to clear them. So I planned around the Uni scheduled and tried to squeeze some days in December after the whole exam process is over, at the same time praying that they would leave me alone for awhile and not bug me with preps for the new semester. Yet, I still have and extra 1.5 days leave which I dunno when to take..oh and this is exclusive of the time off that’s entitled to me for coming on Saturdays for work.

Anyway, I had to cancel 1 day leave last week coz they decided to have a last minute mock exam processing exercise (yes.. this is serious stuff). So fine… I cancelled Thursday’s leave and rearranged for half day on last Wednesday and another half day next Wednesday. But when Thursday came, they said that the data was not ready and the testing would be on Friday. I’m like…. dduuuhh. So kental kan. Make me change my leave for nothing. I could be home frolicking in bed!

Anyway the next day, we received another email which informed us that it would start on Monday instead. Plus, now they have decided to allow us to bring over another whole year’s worth of leave. Leeerrrr… sekarang baru nak cakap. Buat penat orang plan je. In the end I finally ended up cancelling a couple of days leave in December. I mean I’d rather save them for next year when I really would need those off days. So for now it’s work, work, work till December.  

Breaaattheee….God, give me strength.

Finally got around to watching My Sister’s Keeper with Lil Wan. There are countless debates and discussions going on online about the ending of the movie which was different from the book. Disappointing some say. I wouldn’t know, not having read the book myself. Despite the reviews, the movie was certainly a tear jerker and only the strong (or heartless) would leave the theatre dry-eyed.

I was dabbing my eyes like 20 minutes into the show. There’s something about young children with terminal disease that pulls your heart strings. I have a soft spot for children in general and watching how the family struggles with the disease is quite heart-wrenching. At the age where many of my peers are parents themselves, my maternal instincts could identify with Sofia, the mother of the lead characters, played by Cameron Diaz. Can you bear letting your child die? Any parent would do everything in their power to save their children. No parent should have to bury their child. That’s just against the norm. Human norms at least but by God’s law, if it’s time, it’s time.

The storyline doesn’t run far from the topic of death. I used to wonder what would be easier to accept? An impending death from a long dragged out ailment or an unexpected sudden death. I can’t comment on the former. Fortunately, I haven’t had anyone close who died due to a long sickness. I had however, a dear friend who died hours before we were supposed to meet. That was certainly an experience that one can never forget.

I’d like to think though that her death was not in vain. If it was to serve any purpose at all, it is a constant reminder just how short life is. It keeps me grounded with God in mind; that whatever He gives, He can take away.

I guess the upside to this is that it makes me appreciate everything a little more. I’m grateful for the things that I have achieved. My job, my family, my friends, my soulmate, my health but I wish I could accomplish so much more. I wanna spend a day with anyone who ever matter mattered to me, do volunteer work, travel round the world, do my part to save the earth. I want to build a family with wonderful children, a beautiful home.  I want to take care of my parents in their old age and bring them for a holiday or two. I want to be closer to God and know that my life has meaning. At the end of it, I want to fulfill my life’s purpose; whatever it was that He has put me on this Earth for.

“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The first of November had been a productive one at work. Like finally, after weeks of pending. Things are almost set for the exams which leaves me more time to work on my newsletter (which I doubt anybody reads) and the alumni event right after the exams. It’s a busy, busy month not to mention the wedding preps.

It’s a critical month where most things would need to be confirmed before the final, final confirmation (usually done days before the actual event). I need to make appointment with the bridal boutique to pick my gown. Called them a couple of weeks back but they said I was too early. Haiyah, I thought I could get it over and done with. Hope to meet them soon before the madness starts at work and taking leave would almost be impossible.

Need to get the receipt for my wedding cake. Meet my photographer to confirm the changes. Meet the caterer to finalise menu and decor. And whatever else nitty-gritty stuff that would perhaps come up later.

I’m not sure what part of wedding planning that all brides rave about because it’s not very fun for me. Then again, they perhaps do not have MY mother. She has done it again; successfully hijacking my wedding plans and proceeding with her own. Haaiiizzzzz….

After months of sourcing and deliberating on the best choice for the wedding favours, I finally decided that it would be my first love; a prettily-packaged mug with watercolour-painted flowers which I had fallen in love with months back. So I had made plans with a friend to have lunch and hangout with after my Darul class while waiting for the shop to open in the afternoon to finally place my order.

Then, in a move that could have easily sparked a war, I received an sms from my mom saying that she had ordered 1000 pieces of an item which I had seen before but did not consent to and that was more expensive than the item that I had wanted. I could feel my temperature rising and smoke coming out of my ears though I tried to suppress my anger since I was still in class.

Alamaaaakkkkk…. bingit siiiiaaakkkkkk! I was fuming to say the least. I called my mom right after class who coolly explained that it was much prettier (according to makciks’ taste maybe *rolls eyes*) and the price (which was more then my budget) was a deal since she had a good bargain. My heart sank. I was so freaking frustrated and I had no one with me. Lil Wan was at reservist and couldn’t exactly talk at that moment so I called Lin who was on the way to meet me and she bore the brunt of my frustrations.

I know most girls would be stamping their feet and screaming at the top of their lungs to get the order cancelled. I however relented. I just dunno how to say “No” to her (that seems to have been the problem since I was born). I don’t want to be accused of an ingrate and at the end of the day I do want her to be part of the wedding but going ahead with things without my consent is a bit too much isn’t it. Sobssss….

So I do what I’ve always done all my life… bow my head down and walk away.

In my pursuit to escape the monotony of life, I have managed to catch a concert, watch 2 movies, spend an afternoon running around campus and enroll in another class at Darul Arqam in the past 10 days. Combine that with work and dinners with loved ones, that doesn’t leave me much for anything else.

I had been looking forward to attending Simfoni Filem Nusantara for weeks and it definitely did not disappoint. Caught up Anies who was looking like a hot mama and her mom at the concert. I throughly enjoyed the presentation by the Singapore Malay Orchestra (Orkestra Melayu Singapura) which included my Mr Suave aka Taufik Batisah, gorgeous Rossa and the comic duo of Zamberi and Sani Hussein as the narrators for the show. It was actually amazing that I was familiar with the songs that dated back during my parents’ generation. From a search of one of the songs “Suka sama suka” on youtube, I discovered that I looked like Rafaeh Buang… or so they say.. haha.

The Wellness office at work came up with an event as part of their Active Week. It’s called “Amazing Hunt” a rip off of the well-known Amazing Race of course, minus the weird challenges. Formed a team with Celine, Lin and Azlina (Lin’s colleague), and we proved to be a rather formidable group, finishing 2nd if not for getting one of the clues wrong initially… daaarrnn. Oh, well.. we finally did get all the clues right and ended well before time. 50-dollar Taka voucher each ain’t too bad for an afternoon of running about campus :p

My Sat morning tuition has ended, only to be replaced by another class at Darul Arqam. No, no.. I’m not the one teaching…haha. Rosak orang :p It’s a Fiqh class specially for women. It never fails to amaze me how much there is to learn. It’s kinda far and kinda early but it’s worth the effort coz I think I really need the knowledge to keep me grounded (and also perhaps to cover up the guilt for lacking in other ibadah…hehe).

It’s mid-week Wednesday but my weekend starts tomorrow! See me gloat :p Took the rest of the week off to help out with the wedding preps for Lil Wan’s side. Think I’ll fit in a massage some time this weekend and hoping to chill at Arab St with the girls on Friday. I’ve got so many days of leave to clear but I can’t find the right time to go on leave coz all my busy periods are almost back to back till mid December. Some of my colleagues have booked their leave for the last week of December caannnn?! Kiasu or not?! Annoying kan? Pfffttt…

It’s Friday… It’s Fridaaayyyy. I is happy…hehe. No one’s in the office. Well, those who matter anyway :p I have successfully managed to while the day away. Enjoying the peace while it lasts.

It’s been quite a productive week. Finished up the reports yesterday. Did progress reports for my tuition students. Started thinking of the upcoming newsletter. Note a bad week I must say and I’m looking forward to an even better weekend. No tuition tomorrow so I might sleep in.. or not. I really need to start running. Need to lose 5 in 4. Can or not? *cringe*

Then I’m accompanying Lil Wan to a friend’s open house tomorrow. My cousin would be in town so I might meet up with her. Then Sunday’s the day I’ve been waiting for. Made a date with Anies (and mother..hehe) to catch Simfoni Filem Nusantara at the Esplanade. My boy Taufik will be there.. woohoo!!! Figured I should give myself a treat since it’s been awhile since I caught a live show plus it’s a good time to catch up with the babe.

Anyway, one of the better shows on Suria ended its run on Wednesday. Bravo to Eaglevision for a show well done. It’s been a while since there was anything worth following up on local malay tv. I wasn’t a fan initially but somewhere mid-series I started anticipating the next episodes of the show and even rushed home to sit myself in front of the telly.

Gerimis Di Hati pretty much covered the major issues that the malay community is facing at the moment. It touches on social issues such as dysfunctional families, erosion of values and filial piety. What made an impact on me was the depiction of financial issues in the story. You realise that no one escapes despite the social class that you are in. The rich may be pressured to upkeep the lifestyle or in this instance the “wannabes” who try to act rich. Spending far more than what they could afford just to keep up appearances. Then there’s the decent hardworking middle class family who was thrown into hardship because of a twist of fate. And of course, there are the outcasts and opportunists who take advantage of others. Money sure rules and seems to be the single determinant on how life would work out.

In an attempt to go beyond entertainment, the show is followed by the current affairs programme “Akhir Kata” where it would discuss certain topics featured in the episode. Last week’s topic of discusison was on money management being the climax of the money woes in the drama’s storyline. That affected me so much that I almost can’t get to sleep thinking how we would plan our finances after we got married. I was thinking and mentally calculating daily living expenses, fixed cost and even contingencies. I was working out how much combined savings we should have (I read somewhere that savings should be 10% of your income) and how much personal savings I should have for myself. I shared it all with Lil Wan the next day who probably got a little worried. I even helped him breakdown his own budget based on his income…haha. Yes, I got that riled up.

Anyway, it was heartening to know that we have pretty much the same values when it comes to financial issues. We’re both quite simple people and we promise to remind ourselves to constantly live within our means and to avoid loans and debts wherever possible.

Kata orang “Ukur baju kat badan sendiri” (mesti lah kan.. kalau ukur baju kat badan orang camne nak muat… hehe)

Someone You Used To Know - Zee Avi

It was helpless anyway
There’s nothing much we could do or say
Darling don’t you think it’s a shame?
that it had to end this way

So here’s to say goodbye,
our love is lost, and we cant figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds

So Darling, here’s to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you

Soon you’ll build new memories
then slowly you’d forget about me
then i would slowly be
a distant memory

*Soon i’ll just be
that someone you used to know
But darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you’ll find your intended
But i’m sorry
that your intended isn’t me

it’s not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that’s what you want from me
but they will always stay with me

i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it’s just the same
if we stay there will be more to make
i dont know how much more we can take

Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn’t mean i no longer care
but i’d feel like a burden you can’t bear

* * * * *

Discovered Zee Avi quite by accident a couple of months before her songs made it to local radio. I have a few favourite songs from her but this one somehow hits you right there.

Watch the video on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqR3D1pr9_Q&feature=channel

It’s another Monday morning and for once in a very long time, I’m feeling quite relaxed at work. The problems with the new system has somewhat been fixed. They finally had it sorted out so I spent the whole of last Thursday and Friday going through the applications again. The annoying system had gone awry displacing the qualifications of the applicants and causing a mess. Imagine my horror when I spot a PRC applicant graduating from an Indian university when I first printed the report. But I was all smiles as I handed the reports over to my bosses last Friday evening and left for the weekend.

The weekend started with a raya visit cum lepak session to Kak Lini’s place on Friday nite who was on MC as she has sprained her ankle in her sleep (yes, seriously.. in her sleep. That’s a story for another day :p) She had graciously prepared us a feast to feed these hungry souls.

Our birthday surprise for Ierfan was foiled when the unsuspecting birthday boy went into the kitchen as we were preparing the candles. So much for switching off lights and all that jazz :p Anyway, we let him blow the candles, had the cake and took loads of pics. I think we took more pics in one evening than my 2 other raya outings combined… hehe.

Speaking of which, the raya outings the weekend before was a blast. Despite the usual 7-hour tuition marathon and still recovering from flu and cough, I made it to Wani’s place just after 7pm. The gang was already there with Siti included The next pit stop was a rather unplanned one. I made a call to Aza’s place and thankfully she was home. It’s been a while since I met the girl and not meeting the girl at all for raya would make it seem incomplete. The tummy’s taking a toll on her and she’s almost immobile. In a lil less than 2 months I’d have another god-child. Hehe… I’m excited.

Next, it was off to Seri’s place. It could be the last one in that house since they’re planning a shift soon. I’m gonna miss the place coz it was where I sought refuge and they were nice enough to “entertain” me during those days. It got to the point that they called it my second home :p My place was next and this too would be their last raya in my current house. Next year, they would be coming to my very own place… Insya’Allah. I can’t wait for that…hehe. We had to give zack’s place a pass coz it was too late and the kids (and the parents) were too tired.

The next day, it was an early morning drive to the Eastside. We had underestimated the time and arrive a quarter to 12 though the “reporting time” was 11.30am. We thought that all had arrived only to find only the newly-weds in Anisa’s living room. After politely waiting for a bit, we started with lunch while waiting for the rest to come. Finally the gang was complete at about 1 plus with Ifa and family arriving last. Luckily she has those 2 adorable children as excuse. Bulan baik kan jadi kita maafkan lah… hehe. 

It was then off to Saleha’s place and then to Faz’s spanking new ala-exec and mahal-nak-mampus flat in Toa Payoh. Thank goodness for the high ceiling and the tasteful reno which made it pretty cozy. So nice to have your own home. Then it was off to the west to Ain’s place and then to Ifa’s mom’s place and finally mine. We were a bit off target and missed part of the most anticipated show “Flashforward”.

I must say the show is definitely good at making people look forward to the next episode. The storyline is quite intriguing actually. Imagine that.. I wonder what I would see if I had a glimpse of the future… hmmm.

2 weeks of raya have come and gone. The festive mood has been dampened somewhat by the stacks of work (literally) that greeted me when I came back from leave.

It’s application processing time which means long hours of back-breaking, shoulder-aching and eyes-blurring data entry sessions infront of the PC. They have moved to a new online system which seems to have created more work. Applicants are now able to apply online which has cut the data entry part but now checking of the transcripts seems to be a bigger pain in the neck than usual. It’s funny what rubbish people can key into the system. I’m like “Can’t you freaking key in what’s written on the transcript. Memandai-mandai aje…haiz.”

Already swamped with this arduous task, I received an email from my HOD to update the newsletter and he higlighted that the last issue was in Dec 2008. Alamak.. my blood shot up to my ears when I read it. I’m like it has never bothered him before that why suddenly bring it up when I’m at my most busiest period of the year. For the past 2 years it has become an annual issue ape. I mean, by December rest assured I’ll have something up lah. Haizzz..then again, I dunno when I can find the time since I’m the main writer and editor of the publication. I doubt anyone bothers much about it. Sucks when you’re doing work that doesn’t matter for people who don’t really give a damn. Plus, right after the applications, it’s exam preps time. I seriously dunno where I’ll find the time.

My weekends now are busier than weekdays with jalan raya plans right after my 7-hour tuition marathon on saturdays and also a full itinery on Sundays. Jalan raya is big in my family and it would be like a grave sin not to follow the family for the first 2 weeks of raya to visit the VIP relatives. I even had to miss out on free grandstand F1 tix for the big race caaaann?! You can imagine my disappointment when my mom glared at me when I asked her if I could go. Any negotiation would be futile.

My hectic schedule has taken a toll on me and left me vulnerable to the flu bug. My throat is itchy and my nose is all blocked. I left work today for a follow-up session at NUH and I got MC for today which I really needed. 

On a happier note, I’ll be meeting my favourite people this weekend for our customary jalan raya. I hope I’ll be well enough by tomorrow to enjoy it.

I’ve always thought that my first time would be when I was about to deliver my first child. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky.

After a confusing run around to the different clinics, they finally directed me to the correct place which apparently had been expecting me. Within minutes they explained the whole admission process and billed me for the deposit, a choking $1300. Sigh, and that is just the deposit mind you. They said it could be more or it could be less. I’m praying for less. Since I can’t pay it off using my medisave, that’s another huge dent in my savings…sobs.

They got me to change into the gown and I was feeling quite awkward. I was told to rest and soon a couple of nurses took 4 tubes of my blood after the usual complaints of me having deep, fine veins. The procedure could only start after the blood test results were back. For some reason, the whole thing seemed quite trivial to me and I only casually mentioned it to my parents and some friends. As the clock ticked and the hour drew near for the procedure, I was very much glad that Lil Wan was around to keep me company.

It was almost 2 hours before I overheard the nurses saying that the results were back and they could come to get me to surgery. I was starting to feel a little nervous and my hands were freezing. To add to my anxiety, they asked me to remove my contact lenses which left me to the mercy of the nurses since my world was now a blur.

I smiled goodbye to Lil Wan and the nurses as they wheeled me on the bed to the surgery room. We seemed to be going along endless corridors and at some points the blurred passing ceiling lights reminded me of some scenes from Grey’s Anatomy…hehe. Finally, they parked me in a room and I waited some more. I had no reference of time since my eyesight was unreliable to spot any clocks or watches near by.

It could be half an hour later before another team of nurses, this time in full surgical gowns and masks, came to wheel me into the room with a couple of machines and surgical tray. Kudos to this team of nurses who gave me clear instructions and was very gentle with me which helped to reduce my nervousness. I was told to shift on to a narrow platform which had other contraptions hanging above me. They started preparing the items and very soon the doctor entered.

He introduced himself and told me step-by-step the procedure that was about to be done as the rolled the scanner on my torso and look at the image in the monitor. I listened intently coz the last thing I want to happen was for him to poke the wrong organ. I was unsure of what to do with my arms while they began preparing my torso before I finally decided to put them above my head. Their efficiency was impeccable and before I know it, my torso was cleaned while the rest of me was covered by a green cloth.

The doctor was holding on to a syringe and he was explaining to me that it was the anaesthetic that would help to numb my torso. I could feel it pierce my flesh and before I could feel the full impact of the pain, the fluid that was injected in me began its work. My whole body stiffened and an immense cramp gripped me as if I had been doing a thousand sit-ups and push-ups.

As I tried to withstand the pain, I took a deep breath in as instructed by the doctor and in goes a huge ass needle that was about 20-cm long. The doctor narrated what he saw through the monitor and though I felt no pain, I could feel the object going deeper into my body. He warned me that the contraption would make a loud noise somewhat like a gunshot. I nodded and I was jolted by the sound. He withdrew the needle having gotten the sample. Very quickly he checked to see if there was any internal bleeding and after being satisfied with the result, he thanked the nurses and left them to finish up.

That took all of 20 minutes. I was cleaned and bandaged and soon wheeled out of the room. The cramp was slowly easing but the wound in my middle was starting a dull ache. I was wheeled back to the ward where the nurses there welcomed me back. They strapped on the blood pressure monitor on me and told me to lie on my stomach to help put pressure on the wound. Lil Wan came soon after to check on me.

I had to spend the next 4 hours on my stomach which was not the most comfortable of positions. My body still ached, my neck was stiff from the awkward position, my stomach was getting hungry and my fingers were almost blue from the cold. Lil Wan fussed over me and tried to get me as comfortable as possible.

At the end of 4 hours, I thought I could get out of bed and make a visit to the bathroom. Lil Wan called the nurse for assistance and to my horror, she said I needed to use a bedpan instead because I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed. I’m like .. wwhhhaaatt?? She lifted my gown n sat me on the freezing metal but I just couldn’t do it. I just can’t pee into a bowl!

I gave up and went back to laying in bed but on my back this time, which was a huge relief. Lil Wan got me something to eat and we made plans for buka. The 2 hours after that passed quickly and I was soon told that I could go home after the doctor had checked on me. Boy, was I glad to hear that. I could get up and pee properly in the toilet…hehe.

In that total of 6 hours that I was there drifting in and out of sleep and almost dying of boredom while aching all over, I was grateful Lil Wan was with me. I dunno how I could think that I could go through it by myself initially. Thank you for staying with me. I heart you.

One of my favourite things about Ramadhan is the iftar sessions. There’s something about the month that makes people make an effort to meet up and break fast together.

I had one with the girls and we went Swedish no less. Unfortunately, Dhirah wasn’t able to make it due to a last minute Aunt Aggie SOS. Lin, Lini, Nur and myself were quite excited to check out this new halal Swedish restaurant at Kampung Glam. It was a small and cosy set-up with furnishings right out of Ikea’s catalogue. The prices on the menu made me gulp at first. Be warned that it is not easy on the pocket but for a first time experience, why not. I ordered the salmon while the rest opted for the meatballs instead. I was more than satisfied with my order. The salmon was delicious and surprisingly filling, and the rest were struggling with their meatballs which were oddly served with jam. Apparently, I was told that that was how Scandinavian food are nomally served… rite. Not having much planned, we wandered off to Bugis Junction where the shoes beckon. I was obviously drained from my usual Saturday marathon that I didn’t even bother and sat at a corner waiting for the gals to finish browsing. No one was up for much shopping or walking so we ended up at TCC to indulge our sugar cravings before calling it a night.

The AMPYC gang gathered at Hajjah Maimunah for our annual iftar session. The usual few turned up but that was more than enough for a good time. Ifa brought her 2 little kiddos who are so cuuuutteeee and good enough to bite. (yes, i have a knack for biting babies.. hehe). The baby sister seemed to have stolen the attention from her brother and everyone was passing her around. It was so fun camera-whoring with her and the “funny face” pic of her and Anisa still makes me laugh. Unlike those days where iftar sessions would be followed by a long walk to Geylang, we settled on somewhere nearer with much less walking. We hung out at the “verandah” of Kampung Glam cafe sharing stories, gossips and some serious talk in between, amidst sips of super sweet teh. Gone were days of late night chill-out sessions as we wrapped up the night before midnite so that the kiddos and the mummy-to-be can be tucked into bed. 

MERCU organised one this year after a one year hiatus. It was a simple gathering of the tutors at the Bangkit centre organised by the Centre manager and the management there which was a great effort to get everyone to go beyond the polite smiles when we pass each other in the office space just before we go into our classes. it’s even better when all the good food was kindly provided by them…in other words, makan free dok! hehe.

It was fun preparing and chatting with the other tutors. Abg Man came to join us too. He was of course more than just the General Manager of the organisation, to me and Ain. We teased and joked and feasted when the Azan was heard. As we were tucking in, we said soemthing from across the table. I was busy enjoying the food and the company that he had to repeat it several times before I could get his message.

Hmmm… yes, it was. It was around this time 2 years ago in a similar occassion that arwah left us. Haiz… it’s almost 2 years. Time sure flies. I recalled arriving at the Bangkit centre with Lin on hand to ensure that I didn’t collapse along the way only to break down in Ain’s embrace. I was almost in hysterics when I was trying to break the news to her that Ain thought that I was laughing. It definitely was no laughing matter.

She comes to mind once in a while but even more during these months of Ramadhan and Syawal when her absence is obviously felt. The sadness has long been over but the memories linger. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Al-fateha.